I REALLY HATE (certain) PARENTS WITH SMALL CHILDREN

Really. Even though a few blogs have been about them, I really don't hate all of them. Just most of them. Here's why. I'm at a local burger joint getting my lunch today. They have Turkey Burger specials and I thought I would grab one with a medium drink and it would cost me less then a fin. Sweet.

Well, it turns out that a few (3) parents - parents of three year-old girls were sitting enjoying their lunch as well. Well, no one else in the restaurant could enjoy their lunch because these kids were running around causing a ruckous, getting in people's way, making the joint quite intolerable.

I've made a new term for these kinds of people. - Incomparent. basically an incompetent parent. Please use at your own discretion, but I want this to stick.

According to Dangerousdecibels.org "A typical conversation occurs at 60 dB". well, Ironically at 61 dB is the correct amount of sound pressure you need for your child to listen to you. Not the 20 dB it takes to whisper because you think children are capable of adult decorum.

LISTEN UP INCOMPARENTS. Take care of your little demons. Have a fucking backbone to your child. Or guess what? My yelling at you can reach a nice 120 dB on a bad day.

It ruined my Turkey Burger eating experience and if you know me, that's hard to do.

GROCERY STORE CHECKOUTS

I know I'm one to rant over the littlest things, well this is no exception. I'm buying some groceries so I can make dinner for my beloved and there are two people ahead of me. Well, my arms are full and I think I have something large and frozen like a turkey or a carton of ice cream or a Jewish woman.

Now the etiqutte for the conveyor belt is to place your items on the belt and have that plastic, peace-keeping divider between your items and the items the other person's items. This is imperitive if you don't want to pay for the person behind you's items. The thing is, people don't put their items down until the person has placed that plastic UN device that indicates world peace and unthoughtful people just sit and wait until the transaction of the last person is completely finished before the cashier does it themselves - thus leaving a vast expanse of converyor belt unused.

I find this inconsiderate. I can promise, nay GUARANTEE that the person in front of me will not pay for any of my groceries, whatsoever, and I can GUARANTEE that I won't pay for your groceries - EVER. So what's the lallygagging around the conveyor belt. Put you items down, make the person in front of you move the UN divider, so people can buy their groceries in the swiftest way possible and get home to make dinner for their beloved.

If this doesn't bug you, then you are the one who is doing it. Stop it.

BABY CARRIAGES AND PARENTS

Why are baby carriages the size of SUV's now? I can understand how there could be extra room at the bottom of the carriage to put some articles in import - but they are FUCKING HUGE!

Think about someone else for a change when you walk through a mall, or take a bus or are standing in front of a coffee shop because you have to fix your child so they don't get chilly in their Lululemon baby clothes, but the world has to stop because you've decided to cause the entrance way to be backed up.

Then the fucking attitude you give the people who are trying to skooch by you because they are late or they want to get out or the fact that they just don't care to wait for your pretentious ass so the entire store can notice you.

Look, I didn't ask for you to fuck and spawn. I didn't ask for you to choke up our sidewalks with your SUC's "Sport Utility Carriages" then our roads and highways with the SUV's and Minivans because no other vehicle is big enough to hold your monster baby haulers.

So instead of destroying a person's fine day, have some iota of thought, get the fuck out of way, I got work to do and places to go, come out after 9 am and get in after 5 pm, just stay out of everyone's way. Please. - and's that's more courtesy than I ever got from you.

EVERY LITTLE MINUTIA YOUR CHILD/GRANDCHILD DOES

Alright, I realize that I am at an age when the people I consider friends are starting to have babies and I myself don't have one. I don't know if this is just the last ten or so years that this has become a problem nay epidemic, but it's got to stop.

WE DON'T CARE ABOUT EVERY LITTLE THING YOUR CHILD DOES THAT YOU THINK IS ADORABLE.

Every kid takes a shit, or calls the macaroni 'Dada' or thinks the picture in the den is scary. EVERY KID!

David Cross has a bit in his routine about this, and I whole heartily agree. We live in an age where pictures are digital and technology has made documenting this era virtually effortless. But I don't need to see daily snapshots of a kid - so that if I put them in a flip book I can see the child age or gradually gain weight.

With the constant bombardment of pictures, this kills any special moment people will have and to reflect on. Remember Billy's fist birthday - How can I forget - the pictures are sandwiched between the day before Billy's first bithday and the day after.

All kids dress up or pull the cat's tale, fart or eat the kitty litter. They are not stars in your little freak show. Leave them alone, they are going to grow up to be assholes from all the constant attention, gifts, pictures and babytalk.

When the kid writes their first symphony at age three - I'll listen to the hoopla. Until then, keep them as a footnote until they actually develop a personality and can be clever on purpose.

As well, let's think of what this does for the child. Constant flashes of light in their underdeveloped eyes on a constant basis is definately doing something to their rods and cones.

I look at all the kids out there that have developed seizures, or lazy eyes or ADD - Think about what you're doing to the kid. If you're unsure if this is a problem with your child, I'm sure you have pictures documenting their development through their entire life time.